Where to Go From Here...

I finally got through to the lab who claimed they had the wrong fax number and they would send the results to the right one. When I got the results  a little while ago it was negative like I thought.

I am not sure where we will go from here. I believe that our adoption journey is far from over and I do believe we will have more children in our family one day. We do have one transfer left at the NEDC and we still have 5 remaining embryos. If we decide to go forward with another transfer I am going to seek out some more intensive medical advice regarding the apparent autoimmune response that is going on to try to give the embies the best possible chance at survival. Josh and I will have to discuss and pray about moving forward. Part of me doesn't even want to try this route again for many reasons but if we had given up after 2 transfers the last time we wouldn't have Karis. But I want to make sure we are doing what God wants us to do. I do want to experience pregnancy again. I loved being pregnant. I loved nursing Karis and I would love to have that experience again all the while bringing an "orphan" into our home. But my purpose as a mom is not to be pregnant. Raegan's adoption was every bit as special as Karis' adoption even though I never experienced pregnany with Raegan. My purpose is to bring glory to God, to work to do His will on Earth and to share His love. I believe God's purpose for allowing me to be a mom is to shephard my children's hearts and show them the love of Christ so that one day they may become committed followers and lovers of Jesus. My greatest joy is hearing my children talk about Jesus, want to read their Bibles and pray. One of the the most joyous things and hardest things has been hearing my children pray for a baby ( or in Karis' case she has been praying for 2 babies). It warmed my heart to hear them excited about a baby but it has broken my heart over the last couple of days as they have prayed that prayer and I knew that it was a very real possibility that they would not receive what they were praying for. My prayer now is that I can be a good example to them as I deal with unanswered prayers.

I want to do what God wants me to do. I don't want to keep saying " I want to be pregnant", or " I want another baby" when it is not what God wants me me and for our family. I don't want to be turned off by the financial hurdles of domestic or international adoption or the "risks" of foster care or foster adoption. I want to be walking in God's will. I want to have faith that He will provide all that we need to do the work He is calling us to do. There are so many needs. There are so many children without homes. The pain I am experiencing is nothing compared to the pain of orphans who have never had anyone to love them. So all this to say. I don't know what we are going to do but there are too many needs to not do something. Please pray for us as we strive to walk in God's will. Thank you for your prayers and encouraging as we struggle to accept the "no" that we were given today. I know God has a perfect plan. He has already given me more than I could have ever asked for or imagined. This life is not about what I want but what will I let God accomplish through me. And even in the midst of sadness I am excited to see what God has in store for me and for our family.

No News

First of all I would like to thank each and every one of you for your prayers and encouragement through our embryo adoption journey. Your prayers mean so much to me. Infertility and adoption can sometimes ( a lot of the time) make me feel very alone and because of all of you I have not felt that way. I know that several of you have asked me to share my results from today and at this point I don't have any official results. The office is closed and I haven't gotten a phone call because my lab results probably did not get there in time ( which has happened before). So I won't know officially until tomorrow but I have been through this process enough to pretty much know that my body is telling me I am not pregnant. I started developing the same type of hives I developed after the last transfer and they appear to be some sort of autoimmune reaction. My doctor changed my protocol a bit and I did some things that supposedly could help but on thursday the hives started developing and I pretty much knew at that point that my body was not allowing our little embies to implant. I also don't have any preggo symptoms at all. So anyway. I could be wrong but I am preparing myself for the news I was hoping not to hear. In the infertilitiy world most people say that you are pregnant until otherwise proven to be not pregnant so until I get the call tomorrow I am going to enjoy being pregnant. I would love for these little embies to join our family on earth but if I am told  tomorrow that that is not going to happen I will still rejoice because I believe that they are in Heaven. It's hard for me to not get what I want and I want to be a mama again but I believe with all of my heart that my Heavenly Father knows what best. He works out all things for good and regardless of what my blood test says He has already accomplished great things in this transfer. Two precious lives were taken out of a freezer and given a chance at life on earth. I got to watch on a ultrasound screen as they were placed in my body. They are either growing inside of me or they are in Heaven right now. I am not saying that it won't be hard to hear the news if they aren't growing inside of me. But even in my pain I will be able to rejoice because they are free, either way they are no longer orphans and that was the true goal of this process. I will update again when I know more tomorrow. Again, thank you for your prayers.

Settling In

Josh and I are back from Tennessee. We got back last night but still in time to see our little girls before they went to bed. We hit a lot of traffic coming back so it was a looonnng trip but it was all worth it of course. I intended to blog while we were in Knoxville but I never got around to it. I took advantage of my day "off" and rested all day after we got back from the transfer.

As we were driving down to Knoxville I really felt peace come over me. I really felt like God was telling me that He was going to expand our family with this trip but I also felt peace that I would be ok if that didn't happen. I saw a rainbow coming straight down from the sky as we approached Knoxville and it almost seemed like that was my reminder that God is in control and He has perfect plans for us. I hoped that the rainbow was pointing straight down and leading us to our "pot of gold".

The transfer went really well. They showed us our embies when we got there and they both appeared to be very healthy. One was graded expanding 3AA which is the best grading you can get and one had already expanded out if it's "shell" and it was graded an expanded AB which is also a very good grade. When we had Karis' transfer that was the only other time we had an AA graded embryo and look what happened! For some reason I felt like if we were shown an embryo graded AA that it was going to result in a pregnancy. But I don't really like to go on feelings. The transfer went well and this time on the ultrasound it was very clear to me where the embies were placed. It is always such a neat experience to watch the ultrasound as these tiny lives are being placed inside of me. I am thankful to have had this opportunity again to witness miracles.

So now we are back home and it's good to be back with our girls who we missed very much ( I don't think they missed us as much as we missed them). We are very thankful that they had a great time with Grandma and Pop Pop and proud that they both got good reports for behavior while we were gone. I have my first pregnancy test on the 26th and we are hoping for good things!

Thank you for all of the prayers! I will keep you posted!

Ready to Go!

We are ready to head to Tennessee again! I had an ultraound and estradiol level done on friday and everything looked great. The nurse said " you have a beautiful lining". I have been told that before. Apparently my body responds well to Estrace. Let's just pray that the embies like my lining too like Karis did :). So we are all set for a transfer on thursday. We don't know what time yet but they will let us know probably tomorrow. We will drop the kids off at my parents house tomorrow morning before we leave and they will watch them while we are gone. I am so thankful for my parents. They watch the girls while I work and at other times too. And they have watched the girls for every adoption trip we have made. Tomorrow they are taking her on a field trip for school and then a fundraiser at night since we can't be there. Raegan is really excited that her grandparents will be coming and it makes it a lot easier for me to leave knowing that the girls will not only be cared for but that they will really enjoy their time with their grandparents. I don't know how we would have done any of our adoptions without them!

We are excited for our trip and some time alone ( even though I we will probably talk about Raegan and Karis at least 75% of the trip and miss them terribly). And we are excited for another transfer. I am feeling at peace about everything and am just trusting in God to do what He has always done for us, unfold His perfect plan. I will try to update the blog a few times when I am gone to keep it up to date! Thanks for your prayers!

A Second Home

In a week Josh and I will be on our way to Knoxville for our embryo transfer. We are both excited for the trip and of course for the transfer. This will be our 7th trip to Knoxville but every time we go we enjoy ourselves. If our family wasn't mostly in the north I think we would probably find ourselves living in the south. I was joking last night about how I feel like Knoxville is like our second home because of how many times we have gone there. But as much as I like Knoxville and enjoy the mini "vacation" that Josh and I get when we go down there I hope that this is our last trip there unless we are going back to visit. I am really excited to "pick up" our embryos but I hope that this transfer will result in pregnancy so we don't have to make a trip for another transfer. I miss our two girls terribly when we have to leave them. I found out today that Raegan has a field trip next wednesday for her school that I didn't know about so I am either going to have to have one of my parents take her or for her to not go on her trip ( which would devastate her). I am really sad that I won't be able to go on this trip with her though since it will be one of her last preschool trips. But it's just all a part of this process and we are still praying that we bring back a healthy growing baby when we return from our trip.  Karis is requesting 2 babies but we will just have to wait and see what God's plan is.

Two Weeks

Two weeks from today we will have already "met" our newest embies and will be resting and beginning the wait to find out if our family will be expanding. I am getting really excited to travel back to Tennessee and even more excited to have the transfer. It is always so amazing to see the picture of our embies after they have been thawed and before they are transferred. It's amazing on many levels but particularly because that picture holds hope for us ( as we have already experienced once) that a baby ( or potentially babies) will be growing inside of me again. But it also holds hope because even though many of the embies that were transferred ( 10 to be exact) did not survive to experience life here on earth, they are I believe experiencing life in heaven. I won't lie. The transfers that didn't work were devastating but they also were full of hope. I believe that it is pleasing to God that those embies were released back to Him out of the freezer that they were stored in. They went from being frozen orphans to being full of eternal life. And I am so thankful that we get to experience life everyday with our precious Karis. I don't think a day goes by when I don't look at our two children and marvel at the miracles that they are. I look at them and marvel at what God has done and it gives me the strength to keep moving along on this journey. I have been reading some other embryo adoption blogs lately and a couple of them have articulated thoughts that I believe capture how I am feeling but have not been able to articulate myself. I think I get so overwhelmed by this process because I long so deeply for all orphans to be able to find their forever families. I do want our family to grow. I love having babies around. I love seeing those babies grow and see their personalities develop and see them start to comprehend God's love for them. But I also long for all children to have homes. I know there is controversy about embryo adoption in some circles and there is debate over when life begins. But in my mind there is no doubt. I think God makes it pretty clear. And I hate the fact that all throughout this world there are orphans without parents including the 500,000 or so frozen embryos in the United States alone. I love that God has chosen this journey for us. It is hard and as I have shared how it doesn't seem to be getting any easier. It is still hard to see pregnancy announcments even though I am of course always happy for the people involved. But ultimately I know God has a different plan for our family. The road is tougher to having children for us but I believe that this journey is about a whole lot more than just having children. I am thankful that I am getting to experience God's heart for adoption. I am thankful that I get to experience the heartache of adoptions that haven't brought children to our home because it makes me understand that much more just how much God loves us and just how much He rejoices when we do come back to Him. I am hoping and praying that with this next transfer we will get to experience a growing family here on earth. I trust that God has a perfect plan for us just as He has promised and I am thankful for the two little miracles that He has already blesssed us with.

More Meds

I went for my scheduled blood work and ultrasound yesterday to monitor to make sure my levels of everything were right before starting more meds. I was cleared to start Estrace which I started today. Fortunately I don't seem to be effected by the medications too much ( or at least I don't think I am). So right now I am on a Lupron shot once a day and Estrace. On Nov 9th I will go back for more bloodwork and another ultrasound to make sure I am ready to start the Progesterone shots and then Nov 14th we head down to Knoxville! I'm excited to be moving along in this process again.

November 15th

I apologize for not keeping this blog ( or our other one for that matter) updated very well. I have a lot of thoughts that I could and should blog but life is busy with two little girls, work, church activities and volunteering, and the list goes on. But anyway here I am, back again to update! We got our transfer date and protocol at the end of last week. We will be going for our transfer on November 15th. The protocol is mostly the same as it has been but they did switch the type of oil for my progesterone shots based on the fact that my hives may have been caused or related to the combination of progesterone mixed with cottonseed oil. I will also take an antibiotic for a few days leading up to the transfer. I had requested to try this with Karis' transfer so Dr. Keenan said he would be fine with me trying that again. I also have been continuing a gluten free diet and have been doing enzyme therapy. I want to do whatever I can to help prepare my body for these embies so that hopefully at least one of them will be able to grow and expereince life here on earth with our family.

The past months since the transfer have been a good time of reflection for me. One thing that I have realized is that it doesn't get any easier. Every failed adoption attempt is hard. Everytime we have a transfer that didn't work out I had embryos inside of me that left for heaven. That is hard and I think sometimes I try to convince myself that it shouldn't be hard. But it is. We have experienced a lot of loss and with loss comes grieving. I think sometimes I try to skip over the grieving part but I am finding that it is important to grieve our losses. And I think that what is even harder is feeling like I am alone because no one truly knows what I am feeling. Even Josh admits that he doesn't feel the same way. He loves being a dad and he is a GREAT dad but he just doesn't feel the same emotions that I do in this process. He wants more children just as much as I do but He is able to remain more guarded to his emotions than I am. I don't think this is a bad thing. I think it's natural. God created women to be moms and He gave us different emotions, different protective instincts than He gave men. But the result is that women often feel alone through infertility and/or adoption because no one knows completely how they are feeling. I have recently found some other embryo adoption blogs that others are writing as they are on similar journeys and it is somewhat comforting to see that other people do have similar feelings to me. I was looking back at this blog at some old posts particularly the posts right before and right after Karis' transfer. I have realized that the same feelings I was feeling then have come flooding back to me. In that post I wrote similar feelings about the pain creeping back after I thought it was gone. And low and behold that is what I am feeling again. Since this transfer is in November just like Karis' transfer was I am finding that even the weather is bringing back feelings and memories. I wish that the pain would leave. I pray every day that the pain will leave and that I can be content with the two beautiful children that God has already blessed me with. But as much as I try and as much as I pray the pain hasn't left. I think there is a reason for that. I don't think our family is done growing. I believe that God has a plan for our family to grow. If He took the pain away then I wouldn't have the drive and determination to continue down this path once again. In many ways life would be so much easier if we were to just stop. Adoption is expensive, time consuming, emotional, even heart wrenching at times. Sometimes I want to give up. Life would be so much "easier" if I just gave up. But I can't imagine if at the beginning of this journey for Josh and I if I decided to just give up. Or after we had Raegan if I after the first or second unsuccessful embryo transfers I just gave up. I can't fathom my life without these two miracles. I am so glad that I didn't ever give up even when in many ways it would have been "easier".  I truly believe that God made me a determined and driven person for a reason. It may have driven my parents crazy while they were raising me and it probably still drives my husband crazy but God did have a purpose for how He made me. I am a mama bird and there are baby birds missing from my nest. I am determined to find them, to reach them and to bring them home. Sometimes I try to convince myself to just give up and move on. But I can't. As hard as I try I can't. So as we approach our next transfer I am realizing that it doesn't get any easier. The pain is just as real. But I am also realizing that in my heart I believe that God has a reason for the pain just like He has in the past. He has a perfect plan and purpose and He is holding me and carrying me as I continue on this journey.

Phone Consult

I had my phone consult with Dr Keenan ( the doctor at the NEDC) yesterday afternoon. It pretty much went the same way that it did as the other 2 phone consults prior to Karis' transfer. He is such a kind man and compassionate doctor and you can really tell that he is sincere when he asks how I am doing and Josh is doing with the news of the transfer not resulting in pregnancy. He said just like he said the previous two times when I didn't become pregnant that everything looked good, the transfer went well and it was just left in God's hands at that point. And I do completely agree. He asked if anything happened after the transfer and I mentioned the hives to him. He didn't seem concerned at all which was  a relief on one hand because that means he would have no reservations about us doing another transfer but on the other hand I kind of wanted him to be a little bit more concerned about it in case it did have an effect on the transfer. But I know he is busy and he doesn't have time to play medical detective for me so I can understand where he is coming from. Ultimeately I do believe God is in control just like he has always been. But I also think there may be some better ways that I can care for and prepare my body for the next transfer. And I don't want to discount the fact that I had a horrible reaction to something after the last transfer and based on the type of hives I got it is most likely autoimmune. I want to try to do everything possible to ensure that I don't have the same reactions next time. But I didn't even mention the gluten free diet to Dr Keenan. I am sure he wouldn't advise against it as overall it just means that I am essentially eating healthier with more whole foods. Dr Keenan also doesn't feel that I need to be tested for a progesterone allergy but he said that I could request a different type of oil this time. So it looks like we will be going back in November for another transfer and hopefully coming home with different results than this time.

Dermagraphic Uticari

I officially have another diagnosis to add to my medical history book. Dermagraphic Uticaria otherwise known as skin writing. I went to an allergist on friday of last week because my hives were still running rampant and this is what he told me I had. He ordered a bunch of lab tests and told me to take Zyrtec once a day before bed. The Zyrtec has definitely helped with the itching but the hives are still coming up. I essentially get hives whereever there is pressure on my skin so if I scratch anywhere lines form where I scrathed. Hives form on my arms if they rub against anything, on my waistline if I am wearing elastic yoga pants. The day before I went to the allergist I came across some things about a progesrone allergy. Apparently some people can become allergic to progesterone and some people who had been through multiple rounds of IVF reported they had hives develop too so this was pretty concerning to me because essentially it would mean that I wouldn't be able to go through another transfer. After meeting with my allergist he said he didn't think it was from anything environmental like food, detergent,etc. And when I asked him he said he really didn't think it was from progesterone either. I came home and did some more research this time using the specfic medical term for my hives and came up with some different things than I had before. Apparently people my age can just develop this condition which a lot of times becomes chronic ( great). Sometimes it is triggered by something but it is more of an autoimmune disorder. Many people reported the only thing that helped it go away was going on a gluten free diet. This was interesting because I was already considering going gluten free. I have read a lot about infertility/misscariage that occurs when someone has a gluten intolrance and doesn't know it. Gluten intolerance also causes other symptoms including fatique which is something I have struggled with for a long time. So I pretty much decided right away to try a gluten free diet for a while and see how I feel. I started this on sunday. I also read excerpts from a few artciles that specifically linked this type of hives to progesertone in cottonseed oil which is what I have been on for all 4 of our transfers. I can't help but wonder if this reaction is part or all of the reason for the implanation failure that occured this time and possibly the other 2 times our transfers failed to implant.  I know I didn't break out in hives but my body could still have been reacting. Or after being pregnant with Karis maybe my body is now reacting differently. But regardless I think if my body was trying to fight off something (which is what is occuring during an allergic reaction) I would think it would also try to fight off the embies which were trying to implant. But anyway. I have a phone appointment with Dr Keenan on monday and will hopefully have some answers. I am praying that he will let me go through another transfer with a different protocol but we'll see what he has to say. It's been a tough week but I am confident there are brighter days ahead.

A Rough Patch

Well to say it has been a rough couple of days may be an understatement. But I know there are brighter days ahead. On tuesday at about 2:30 in the morning I started breaking out in hives all over my body. They were terribly itchy and we didn't have any Benydryl at the house I tried putting cream all over, taking a cold shower. Nothing helped. And I couldn't fall asleep at all. So at 6 am I left the house to go to Walmart to buy Benydryl and some different creams to try to stop the itch. I then went to the lab for my pregnancy test at 7 am. By this point I am pretty miserable and tired because of the hives but I was actually feeling pretty hopeful about the pregnancy test. Before the hives I was kind of wavering in how I was feeling but I felt all along like there was a pretty good chance that I was pregnant. After the hives broke out I started looking on the internet for anyone who had similar experiences and pretty much everyone who broke out in hives said they believed it was a weird pregnancy symptom. So by the afternoon I pretty much had myself convinced that I was having a reaction to pregnancy hormones. I did go to the doctors in the morning and they referred me to an alleragist and gave me some steroid cream. I got the girls down for a nap ( Karis went to sleep after about an hour of crying for me due to her recent separation anxiety) and I tried to sleep as well after taking 2 Benedryl. The phone rang at about 4 pm and the nurse told me that it was negative. Up until that point I had convinced myself that I could handle it either way but as soon as I hung up the phone I broke down. It was probably a combination of crushed hope mixed with exhaustion and irriatabilty from itching hives. I called Josh and my mom and texted a few people who had been checking in and then I got the girls up. I gave them each of them a fierce hug and kiss and told them how much I loved them. I am so glad that I have 2 beautiful miracles that remind of me of God's love and provision and plan. We had dinner together and then I went to bed early after having a good "cry it out" session with God. Last night I kept taking Benydryl every time I woke up itching but then had a reaction taking that with a lot of water on an empty stomach and found myself with my head over the porceline thrown. Thankfully today my hives are beginning to let up and I got at least a few hours of sleep last night.

Today I am still upset. I thought that this time around getting a no would be easier. I already have 2 beautiful children and I just thought it would be easier but it's not. I still have the same longing in my heart for another child that I had before each of them. I am so thankful that I have them. And if God chooses to not bless us with another child I can firmly say that He has already blessed me more than I could have ever imagined and more than I deserve. But it is still hard. Everytime we go though this I am forced to face loss and loss is never easy. It hurts and there is no other way to put it. But just like I have said before I do trust in God's plan. And I do know that He has a perfect one for our family. Maybe it is God's plan for us to only have 2 children here on earth. Or maybe He has a perfect child waiting for us at a later time. Maybe it will be through another attempt at embryo adoption or maybe it will be a child who needs a home and we adopt them after Raegan and Karis are grown. I don't know His plan and I don't know His reasons but I know His love. I know He doesn't like to see me hurting and not getting what I thought I wanted but I also hear His whisper to me of " Jennifer, just be patient I have a better plan for you". And I have 2 precious reminders that He does.

Part of me wants to be angry. Part of me is utterly exhaused from all that Josh and I have been through. Part of me wants to feel like we have wasted money and time trying for something that didn't work again. But once again when I start to believe these lies. God whispers to me to remind me that all of this wasn't for nothing. That even though I am not pregnant and won't be meeting either of those two embryos here on earth. They are in heaven now. They are with their creator. They are no longer frozen in a freezer. We weren't able to give them life on earth but we were blessed to offer them a way to eternal life. I believe every embryo even being the size of a pin point is a life, created known and loved by God. That is why we do what we do. It is worth it all.

So right now I am going to focus on what God has done and what He has allowed us to be a part of. We are going to enjoy the rest of our summer as a family of 4. We have plans to go to the beach and do some other fun things. And I am going try to take my own advice that I give to Raegan when she wants to complain about not getting something she wants. I am just going to accept the answer and not try to ask why, try not to complain and just say "yes Daddy". Because I know He longs to give me my heart's desires and He does a perfect plan waiting for me and for our family.

We're Home!

Sorry about the lapse in blogging but I was too tired after the transfer to get on the computer ( I took 2 valium this time and it knocked me out!). And I tried to rest as much as possible. We also went to my brother's house for a few days after we left Tennessee and just got back last night. But as for the transfer. It went really well. They thawed two embryos and both of them survived! They were graded as expanding AB 5 day blastocysts which means their quality was very good ( with Karis' transfer one embie was AA and one was AB). I won't go into the details of the transfer but it was pretty much the same as the past 4 transfers so I knew what to expect. Dr Keenan said everything went great. I will post a picture of our embies when I get a chance. Now it's just the waiting game. I have my first beta ( blood pregnancy test) on July 25th if it's postive I will go back on July 27th to make sure my hcg levels are at least doubling. Thanks for all of the prayers! I am feeling hopeful at this point and trying to maintain patience and peace as we wait to find out God's plan for our family.

We're Here!

I intended (once again) to post more regular updates but life with two beautiful kiddos has kept me busy. I have also been really busy at work and trying to prepare for our trip. But everything went well with my ultrasound monitoring and bloodwork so we were cleared to come for our emrbyo transfer. We dropped the girls and my mom off at my brother's house in north carolina yesterday so they could spend time with their cousins and then Josh and I headed to Knoxville today. We went out for our anniversary ( which is tomorrow) tonight and now we are back at the hotel. We have an appointment for our transfer tomorrow at 10:15 in the morning. And we are really excited to "meet" our embies! I am feeling very hopeful. I will try to post tomorrow after the transfer. I will be on bed rest for 24 hours after the transfer and then we will head back to NC!

2 Weeks

Today we are exactly 2 weeks away from our embryo transfer! I am really excited to go down for our transfer. And I am feeling hopeful. I am really hoping and praying that this transfer works. I do have fears creep in that it won't work but overall I am very hopeful that it will. I am really excited to go and "meet" our embies. I am so thankful that we have had the opprotunity to rescue embies from their frozen orphanage ( as many call it). We have had 8 embies who have been transferred but ultimately ended up in heaven. We would have loved for them all to have been able to experience life on earth but God had a different plan for them and He had a perfect plan to grow our one little embie into the perfect little girl who joined our family almost 2 years ago. It is so amazing to think that Karis was at one point frozen in a freezer and we were blessed to receive her, carry her and now have her in our famly. I am so thankful that God created adoption and that He has allowed us to experience it. I can't wait to experience it again!

So for an update for my treatment. I have been taking Lupron injections since June 26th. Last week I started taking Estrace which is being tapered up. On July 13th I will have an ultrasound and bloodwork and then will be starting Progesterone injections ( the big ones!). I have also been going to accupuncture for the last 2 weeks to help prepare my body for the transfer ( I did accupuncture before Karis' transfer as well). So we are excited as we prepare for our transfer. Two weeks from today we will be starting our two week wait that will tell us if our family will be growing!

Here We Go Again

I am back to blogging on this blog. I know I kind of ubruptly ended it but right after Karis was born I started having trouble posting on this blog so I just dropped it and continued to update our other blog. But I decided to revisit this blog and try to get it working again since we are in the process of adopting embies again! I was able to get it working ( obviously) and I will keep this blog updated with our progress on our upcoming embryo adoption! So here we go...

I always envisioned us having a big family. And I always said I wanted even numbers of kids so that no one was left out. But I was actually really hoping that after we had Karis that I would feel like our family was complete with 2 children. I felt that way for maybe 3 weeks when I was in a major adjustment period of having a toddler, a newborn who didn't know how to fall asleep, recovering from a C section and learning how to breastfeed a baby while potty training a two year old. But after those 3 weeks passed and the kids and I got into a rhythm the feelings started again. Of course I was in love with the two miracles God had already given me but I felt like God started telling me that we weren't done. The fact is I still have a desire to have more children and even though the process of growing our family is a lot more difficult and expensive for us I believe God is the one who gave me a desire for more children and He is also the one who gave me ( us) a passion for adoption. It wasn't hard to decide that we wanted to adopt again but we had to put our plans on hold for a bit when we were going through the process of moving. Things got hectic as we startd plans for Josh to take a new job and we went through the process of selling our house and moving to a new state so we didn't really even have time to think about starting another adoption until last fall. But Josh and I talked and prayed and we decided that we did feel like we were supposed to adopt again and we decided that our first option would be to again go through embryo adoption. I have been working a part time job as a consultant to earn money to pay for the expenses we do incur. We began our homestudy process in January and went down to the National Embryo Donation Center in Tennessee in February for our screening appointment. Everything checked out great and I was cleared to have another embryo transfer. We got our homestudy completed and were able to choose embryos (we are going with anyonymous donors again like we did for Karis' adoption). And our appointment for our transfer was schedued for July 17th ( which is also our 8th wedding anniversary!). I got my box of medications and big shots in the mail today and the first shot starts on monday! We are really excited to go through this process again. I am really hoping tht Karis can now become a big sister. We really love adoption and embryo adoption is a good fit for us this time around. We are not at a point financially where we could afford another domestic or international adoption. Embryo adoption ends up being significantly less expensive due to the fact that our insurance covers a large part of it through our infertility coverage. I had such a successful and easy pregnancy with Karis that we don't have any reservations about me carrying another baby. So we are exctied to begin this process again and see what God has in store for us. Please keep us in your prayers as we continue on our adopton journey!