Two Weeks

Two weeks from today we will have already "met" our newest embies and will be resting and beginning the wait to find out if our family will be expanding. I am getting really excited to travel back to Tennessee and even more excited to have the transfer. It is always so amazing to see the picture of our embies after they have been thawed and before they are transferred. It's amazing on many levels but particularly because that picture holds hope for us ( as we have already experienced once) that a baby ( or potentially babies) will be growing inside of me again. But it also holds hope because even though many of the embies that were transferred ( 10 to be exact) did not survive to experience life here on earth, they are I believe experiencing life in heaven. I won't lie. The transfers that didn't work were devastating but they also were full of hope. I believe that it is pleasing to God that those embies were released back to Him out of the freezer that they were stored in. They went from being frozen orphans to being full of eternal life. And I am so thankful that we get to experience life everyday with our precious Karis. I don't think a day goes by when I don't look at our two children and marvel at the miracles that they are. I look at them and marvel at what God has done and it gives me the strength to keep moving along on this journey. I have been reading some other embryo adoption blogs lately and a couple of them have articulated thoughts that I believe capture how I am feeling but have not been able to articulate myself. I think I get so overwhelmed by this process because I long so deeply for all orphans to be able to find their forever families. I do want our family to grow. I love having babies around. I love seeing those babies grow and see their personalities develop and see them start to comprehend God's love for them. But I also long for all children to have homes. I know there is controversy about embryo adoption in some circles and there is debate over when life begins. But in my mind there is no doubt. I think God makes it pretty clear. And I hate the fact that all throughout this world there are orphans without parents including the 500,000 or so frozen embryos in the United States alone. I love that God has chosen this journey for us. It is hard and as I have shared how it doesn't seem to be getting any easier. It is still hard to see pregnancy announcments even though I am of course always happy for the people involved. But ultimately I know God has a different plan for our family. The road is tougher to having children for us but I believe that this journey is about a whole lot more than just having children. I am thankful that I am getting to experience God's heart for adoption. I am thankful that I get to experience the heartache of adoptions that haven't brought children to our home because it makes me understand that much more just how much God loves us and just how much He rejoices when we do come back to Him. I am hoping and praying that with this next transfer we will get to experience a growing family here on earth. I trust that God has a perfect plan for us just as He has promised and I am thankful for the two little miracles that He has already blesssed us with.