Test Day

Today is my blood test day and I feel like I am going to fail this test. I don't really know why I just have a feeling that I am not pregnant. I don't feel any different other than I feel like my normal cycle is going to come, it's just being delayed by the Progesterone. I decided not to do a home test because I have read a lot of places that with fertility treatments a lot of time the home tests don't read correctly. I have also read places where women took home tests the same day as their blood tests and got negative and then got a postive blood test. So we'll see what happens today and wednesday. For some reason i just don't have a good feeling about it. I think sometimes as woman we just know. But maybe my "knowing" is wrong. We'll see. But regardless I feel like God has been teaching me a lot again through this. It hasn't been easy just as the first time of learning about infertility and going through domestic adoption process. But back then what I thought I wanted and was so upset to not have really turned out not to be what I wanted at all. If I had gotten what I thought I had wanted, I wouldn't have Raegan and like I have said so many times before I can't imagine my life without her. It's no different know. I am happy and blessed to be on this journey. It's not always easy when we find out that we are not going to get what we want ( or think we want) but the awesome thing is knowing that even through sadness and disappionment God is with us, He has gone before us and He knows what we want if we tell Him but He always gives us what we need. So I am sure if there is a negative today we will feel disappointment but all we need to do is look at the curly headed beautiful little girl running around our house and we have all the reminder that we need that God is in control and loves us more than we can ever understand.