Not This Time

I was right in my last post. I got a call from the IVF nurse telling me that my test from yesterday was negative so no need to get the test done tomorrow. Even though I had prepared myself for it to be negative, it was still disappointing. I don't think God expects us to not be disappointed when things don't go the way we plan, He just wants us to rely on Him and trust in His bigger plan and that is what I am trying to do. My fleshly instinct wants to jump in and say " all of what I went through for nothing" but my spirit knows that it wasn't "nothing". This was all part of God's plan. He knew those 4 tiny lives even before they were "conceived" and He knew that He would call them home. He knew it wasn't time for Josh and I to expand our family and He still knows who are second child is. I know we will most likely go through this process again. I have a meeting next thursday with the doctor to discuss where we will go from here. Part of me is upset because I was hoping that this would work out easily. I just feel like we have been through so much physically and emotionally that I was hoping that this would be "easier" and work out the first time. But I know that "easier" doesn't mean " better" and God has the best in store for us. So we will move on and wait to see what the next step is for our family. We feel honored to have been able to have these 4 little lives placed in our care for a brief time and have comfort knowing they are in a much better place now. And we pray that the other couples that were down there at the same time as us received good news today and for those that didn't that they receive comfort and peace. I am so thankful that after receiving that call at work that I was able to leave a couple hours later and see my curly headed little girl holding her arms up and excited to see me. I know this would be much, much harder if we didn't already have her in our lives. I pray for those couples who are longing to hold their first child.