We're Ready

I haven't been very good at updating this blog but I thought I put up a post to let everyone know the progress so far. As of today we are officially ready. I had my last monitoring appointment and bloodwork and everything looks good so I am cleared to begin my progesterone on sunday. I have completed a round of antibiotics just in case it was an infection that caused the implantation failures in the first 2 rounds. I am currently on Estrace and just finished my last shot of Lupron last night. So we are ready to go! My mom and dad are coming down on sunday and my mom is going to stay with us until our trip. It will be nice to have a few days to get some stuff done so that I am able to relax when we come home. We will be leaving on wednesday morning and taking my mom and Raegan to my brothers house in North Carolina. They will stay there while Josh and I travel down to Knoxville for the transfer. Josh and I will come back to their house on friday and we will all have an early Thanksgiving dinner with them and stay the weekend. I am sure Raegan will have a blast playing with her cousins. So we are all set. The only objective now is to make sure we all stay healthy! Raegan and I have been pretty much staying around the house to try to minimize exposure to germs ( especially the flu). I don't mind getting a cold I just don't want to catch anything that may mean us having to cancel our transfer. So right now we are just enjoying our time as a family and praying that next week is the beginning of a bigger family for us.

A lot of people have asked me how I am feeling about this transfer. I would have to say that I am looking forward to this process being over. Emotionally and physically it is just very taxing to have to deal with all of the appointments, shots, trips to Tennesee, having to leave Raegan. Of course we want the outcome of this transfer to be a preganncy. That is our greatest hope and prayer. And I know it will be devastating if this doesn't work but I know that God will carry us through it all and He has a perfect plan for our family. We are looking forward to this journey unfolding. I go through times where I am at peace about this. There are days when I feel like I will be ok if this doesn't work and that I will have to give up my longing of experiencing pregnancy. And then there are other days that I feel like i can't face having to give up that longing. What I have learned recently is that things haven't gotten easier. Josh and I are still dealing with the loss of not being able to conceive and that will always be a part of us and our journey. We were so blessed by the gift of adoption when God brought Raegan into our family. And for a while it seemed like the pain had lifted. But what I realize is that the pain is still there. Now we face the pain of longing for Raegan to have a sibling and not being able to provide her that they way we want. Raegan loves being around other kids. She loves playing with the big kids but she also really loves babies now. Whenever we leave from seeing friends she cries. That makes it so hard on me. If it was my plan she would be having a baby brother or sister in december. But that was not God's plan. I thought it would get easier to hear of other's getting pregnant. And for a while I think it did because we had Raegan. But now as we are longing for Raegan's brother or sister, hearing that news from others who are expecting their next children is hard again. It's not becuase I am not happy for others, it is just because I long for what they have. So anyway. I guess in some ways I am finding that it feels like the pain is creeping back in when I thought it had gone away. What I try to focus on is looking back and seeing how God provided. Looking back and remembering that crushing feeling I had when Josh and I were told we couldn't have children. And then remembering how God blessed us with the most beautiful little baby girl we have ever seen, 9 months later. We know God is faithful. We know God will give us our heart's desire - a sibling for Raegan. And we know that God is with us through the waiting and through the pain. The other day Raegan told us she wanted 3 babies so maybe God knew we needed a little extra time to prepare :)

We are looking forward to meeting our precious little embies next week and seeing how this journey unfolds for us.