Taking Some Tough Shots

This weekend Josh and I experienced some tough progesterone shots. Him on the giving end, me on the receiving end. On saturday night Josh played in a concert at church. I was already asleep by the time he got home and I had the shot out and ready to go for him to give to me. He inserted and checked to make sure it was not in a blood vessel like he always does but when he pulled it out this time, blood gushed out. It stopped after putting pressure on it but i think it startled us both a bit. I got a little woozy i think from just waking up out of sleep and seeing the blood but everything was fine. Then sunday morning Josh had to play at church and we woke up late so we didn't have time to do my shot and if we waited until Josh got home after playing at both services it would have been late. So i took the shot with me and during the service Josh and I went out to the van and he had to give me the shot there. It was interesting to say the least. It was not the most comfortable place to do this and with what happened the night before I think we were both a little apprehensive. We only hope no one could see through the windows in the van ( luckily they are tinted!). Please pray for us that the shots will get easier especially for Josh. He really doesn't like giving them and he said it's getting harder not easier. This inturn increases my anxiety abouth them. And we have a long way to go especially if we get pregnant. And if we don't get pregnant this time then we have to start this process all over again. We are excited about the outcome and we know it's worth it in the end. We are thankful for this opportunity but I think that it is just taxing on us both to have to go through so much for every child we want to have. We know God has a plan and I am not complaining but it's just hard sometimes. I am really working hard not to let the worry set in. The questioning of if this doesn't work, will we be strong enough to endure all of theses shots and medications and expenses again or if this doesn't work how will we be able to afford another domestic adoption? I have been doing pretty good at not letting these thoughts creep in but it's hard once I start to feel worn out. But I know God has a plan and we are just trusting in that. He doesn't make mistakes and He has never let us down before. I guess my prayer right now that I, and Josh can remember that during our journey.

We Have Embies!

We are now the proud parents of 4 tiny little embryos (we like to call them our embies). Now don't freak out when you hear 4. I know that most people do. It doesn't mean that we are going to have 4 babies. The chances of that happening is probably close to zero. But 4 embyos were implanted in me today. Once we arrived they took me to the prep/recovery room. The doctor and our IVF nurse who I have been working with came in to talk to us. I can't express how nice they are. You can really tell that all of the people that work there really believe strongly in what they do. You can tell that they really feel a calling from God to do what they do and it shows. Anyway next the embryologist came in to explain how the embryos were doing. The donor couple that we were matched with had 4 embryos. She thawed the first vial which had 2 and 1 of the 2 was not doing very well ( it had come out of it's case/shell) so they decided to thaw the second vial with 2 more. All 4 of them grew during the thawing which is what is supposed to happen. One of them looks really good, 2 of them were growing but had an average grade and than that 4th little one wasn't doing so well but since it was still growing and not dying they wanted to implant it rather than discard it. The procedure was pretty short. It was uncomfortable at times but overall it wasn't too bad. The worst part was the fact that they had to fill my bladder up really full because it helps push the uterus out and makes it easier for the transfer. And after the procedure I had to lay flat for an hour with a very, very full bladder. It was quite uncomfortable but again all of this is worth it. And I better get used to discomfort because i know there will be much more of that coming if this works! They gave us a picture of the ultrasound where the embryos were placed and the embryologist actually gave us pictures of the embryos which we will try to scan and post when we get home. When we saw the pictures it was kind of emotional. It just reminded us in a more real way that these are lives. Lives with the potential to grow and thrive if given a chance. We know that it is in God's hands. He created these lives and even as tiny little clusters He has a name for each of them. He may call some or even all of them home or He may have a plan for them to grow inside of me and a chance for us to be their loving parents. It's in God's hands at this point. It always has been. Now we just get to wait and see what His plan is for these little embies and for our family.

This is has been a great experience already. Again I am learning a lot about life and about our Creator. We are so thankful for this opportunity and we are excited to see where this journey takes us.

Right now I am just relaxing. I am supposed to take it easy for at least 24 hours. I came home and pretty much slept off the valium. I am a little bit more awake now but we are just hanging out in the hotel room and we will head back home tomorrow afternoon. We miss Raegan and are anxious to get home and see her but we are glad she is having so much fun with Grandma and Pop Pop and I know they are enjoying an opportunity to spend so much time with her!

Once we get home it will just be a waiting game. I am supposed to go in for blood pregnancy tests on April 6th and April 8th and we will find out then if I'm pregnant or not. So from here on out it's just more Progesterone shots, Estrace and the waiting game!

We're Here

Josh and I are now in Knoxville, TN. Josh worked for part of the day while I took Raegan up to Grandma and Pop Pops. Then I picked Josh up and drove to Dulles Airport to fly out. Our flight was fine, although I don't think I have ever flown on that small of a plane before. But we made it in. We checked into the hotel, ate some good Tennessee bar b q for dinner and now we are getting ready to turn in for the evening. We checked in on Raegan and she is having fun at Grandma and Pop Pops and is doing great. We have to be at the NEDC clinic at 8:15 and our procedure is at 8:45. We are getting really excited for tomorrow. We are hopeful that tomorrow we will be on our way to having our second child! We will update sometime tomorrow with how everything went. I will probably sleep most of the day because I have to take 2 valium before the procedure and last time i took 1 valium it knocked me out! But I am supposed to rest tomorrow anyway so that's what I will do! Thanks for all of your prayers!

Big Needle...not so bad

I had to start injections of Progesterone this morning. This is in oil and it has be administered with a very large needle. I have kind of been dreading it ever since I filled the order for the presciprion and saw the size of the needle. I knew Josh would definitliy have to give me this one! We both watched video demonstartions of how to adminster it and looked at a booklet given to me the fertility clinic. When I woke up this morning that was the first thing I thought about having to do. Luckily the first dose was to be given today which was a sunday and not a work day so we had plenty of time to take care of it. We went to the later service at church today so we had all morning. Luckily Raegan went down for a morning nap so we could take care of this without having to try to take care of her at the same time since she is in to everything these days. We got the needle prepared and I laid down face down on the back so that my muscles would be relaxed when Josh inserted the needle into the " upper, outer quadrant" of my backside. He was really nervous about injecting it. I am not sure if he was afraid he was going to hurt me or what but i was laying on the bed for quite a while before he actually jabbed the needle in. I told hiim to take his time and inject it when he felt ready. And then after all of the work up about it, I couldn't feel a thing! I honestly didn't even know when he put it in! Josh did a great job! But I don't think he is going to start pursuing a career in nursing anytime soon!



We have made all of our travel reservations and started packing. I have to work tomorrow so I tried to get as much done today as I could. We will still have last minute things to get together but we are pretty much ready to go and have Raegan and Kona ready for a trip to Grandma and Pop Pops!

We're Going!

This morning I had an ultrasound test and bloodwork drawn to determine if I am at the right place with everything to proceed for the transfer. If things weren't at the right levels it would mean that we would have to reschedule but I got a call this afternoon from NEDC saying the doctor okayed us and said everything looks great so we are officially going to be traveling to TN for our transfer on wednesday. I can't believe it's already time! I am getting really excited. I hope that it works and works this time around but I am not really worried this time like I was with Raegan's adoption. I told my mom that after her adoption I don't have as much trouble with my worrying problem. God's fingerprints were on everything then and they are now too. Everything that I worried about He took care of and had a plan for. He knows who are next child/children are going to be. I am just excited to see what God has in store for us. I want these little embyros to have a chance at life and I am so thankful that we are able to provide that chance for them. So we are making our hotel and car reservations and heading down on tuesday!The only not so fun thing is that now starting sunday I have to start having shots of progesterone in oil and this shot has a very large needle. We are both a little nervous about this one. Josh will be giving me the shot and he is a little intimidated by the size too. I think he is afraid he is going to hurt me ( I know he won't). So we are going to watch some tutortials and then go for it. I have a friend who is a nurse who has offered to come by to show us how to give it if we have trouble but hopefully we won't need to do that. It's not a fun thing to have to do but it will be worth it and besides it's all part of the journey!

Some Details

We will be leaving on tuesday March 24th to head to Tenneseee. Josh and I both had frequent flyer miles with United so we decided to use them on this trip instead of driving down to TN again. It wasn't a terribly long trip but it was still pretty tiring. I decided this time I would rather fly. So I will be taking Raegan up to my parents house in Baltimore on tuesday morning than driving down to go to Dulles airport. We would have rather flown out of BWI because it's closer to my parents house but there weren't any flights availeble so we will fly out of Dulles. We arrive in TN on tuesday evening. Our embyro transfer is scheduled for 8:45 am on wednesday morning and then we fly back on thursday afternoon.

So far I am taking Lupron shots and Estrace. I will stop the Lupron next week and begin Progesterone shots starting March 20th.

I haven't really had any side effects of the medications. I have had a couple of headaches which may be related but nothing too terrible.

We are getting really excited and can't believe that we will be heading down to Knoxville in less than 2 weeks!

Our Little Garden

Ever since we adopted Raegan I have thought about when and how we are going to tell her about her adoption. Josh and I both feel strongly that we want to be very open about her adoption from an early age. We don't ever want her to feel as if have hidden something from her. From talking to other people I don't think she is going to be upset by the fact that she is adopted. We have had her since the day she was born and we are the only parents she has ever known. And people tell me all the time that she is very attached to me ( well we are very attached to each other). So I am not worried about telling her, I just want to tell her in a way that she will understand.

Lately I have been thinking about how we are going to explain Raegan's adoption versus our potential baby from our embyro adoption. And I like analgoies so I began to think about our family like a garden. We adopted Raegan as a seedling. She was already "sprouted" but she was still very small and we had to care for her ever since the day she was born. Our embryo baby will be planted in me as a "seed" and we will carry for him/her as a seed until they " sprout" and that's how they will become a part of our family. We may adopt taller plants/flowers later on ( since we think we may adopt older children from foster care later on). But if you put us all together we are one big beautiful garden. The Smith Garden.

So I keep thinking about this adoption as our seeds of life adoption. These little embyros are tiny ( about the size of seeds or smaller). But they are full of life. They are God's creation. He knows them each by name. We are looking forward to our next adoption and we pray that God will continue to grow our garden.

So long story short, that is why we decided to title this blog "Seeds of Life". We will update this blog with more of the details of this adoption for those of you who are interested.